You are such an inspiration. I see how dedicated you are to improving your fertility. The lengths that you go to have a baby are phenomenal.

Every. Single. Month.

But what about those days when you feel like giving up? The first day of your period when you sink into a hole. I know how hard it is to keep waiting and wondering if it’ll ever happen.

Here are some ways that you can motivate yourself even on the darkest of days.

1. Acknowledge the pain

There are different ways of dealing with emotions. The first option is to avoid it and bury it because it feels so uncomfortable. The problem with this is that it will still be there. It will either keep coming back or it will come out in another way, like being irritable and snapping at people. It takes a lot of energy to keep pushing emotions down and avoid them.

The other option is to acknowledge your emotions. This is counterintuitive because it feels so hard and unpleasant. You don’t want to feel sad or angry because you ‘should’ focus on the positive. That’s what the self-help books say, right?

When you find a way to acknowledge your emotions, then a funny thing happens. They get less intense and stop trying to get your attention because you’ve listened to them.

When you acknowledge the difficult emotions, then you can move through the unmotivated days more smoothly and quickly. Acknowledging your emotions also frees up a lot of energy and you can use this to stay motivated.

2. Talk to yourself like you’re your best friend

Notice how you talk to yourself. What is the internal conversation that is going on? It can be a real shock to suddenly tune into this because sometimes the words are not very kind. On the shadow days when you’re feeling down, notice how it's much easier to talk and think negatively.

Do you feel more motivated when your boss gives you a pat on the back, recognises your efforts and encourages you? Or do you feel more motivated when you’re told that you’re never going to succeed, that you’ll never amount to anything and that all your efforts are a waste of time?

Try using a friendly tone of voice when you speak to yourself and words that you would say to your best friend. Become your biggest cheerleader.

3. Find a community that understands

When you’re struggling to get pregnant and it seems like everyone else around you is getting pregnant instantly, then it's easy to compare yourself to them.

It can feel even more demoralising when a friend who wasn’t even trying and maybe doesn’t even want a baby, tells you that she’s pregnant. It can kill your motivation to watch others around you not put in any effort and get pregnant instantly.

Instead of comparing yourself to them. Find a community that understands and gets what it is like. It’s so much easier to make changes, install new habits and stay motivated when you do it with friends. If you haven’t done so already then Join the Plan Yourself Pregnant Closed Facebook Group. Closed means that only other members will see your posts and comments. They don’t show up on your friend’s pages.

Beaming light and strength at you to motivate you to keep going.