When You've Had A Miscarriage

When it comes to miscarriage - there is nothing positive to say. There’s no way of making it better. There are no ways to uplift the situation. To make it right.

I’ve had two early miscarriages. And when I was pregnant with my daughter I thought I was going to have another one. When I started bleeding I  totally freaked out. I was 10 weeks pregnant and so scared of losing my baby. So I went to the hospital to get checked and was told to just go away and see what happened.

Still bleeding, I went out for lunch with friends and didn’t say anything about what was going on because we hadn’t told anyone about being pregnant yet. I sat there in a world of my own, feeling it all.

The worry. The pain. The anxiety. The shame. The blame. The guilt. And the desperation.Even though there was nothing that I had done ‘wrong’ I still felt like I was the one to blame. Like I could have done something differently.

If you've also experienced a miscarriage, then my heart goes out to you.

If You've Had A Miscarriage Hear These Words

You are still a mama and that was your baby - no matter how little they were. That loss is tragic. Miss your baby. And give yourself permission to feel it.

Grieving for someone who you didn’t know is not ‘lesser’ grief. (Like grief can be measured and is a competition?!) It’s not the kind of grief that you have for someone you’ve known all your life. But it is the grief for the life that you didn’t get to have with them. This is just as painful.

Other people might not understand your grief. That's ok. This isn't about them, it's about you and honouring your process.

Allow yourself to honour your baby in whatever way your heart desires. Be true to yourself. Trust yourself. And above all, be kind to yourself.

If the voices in your head start with the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘if onlys’ then sack them. Those voices do not serve you.

There is no doubt that you did the best that you could for your baby. You did the best you could and it wasn’t your fault. Keep telling yourself that. Over and over again.

“I did the best I could and it wasn’t my fault.”

Give yourself permission to grieve in whatever way you want. There is no right way. It's your way and it takes time.