Esther struggled to get pregnant for five years.

After we got married, we decided to fairly soon start trying for a baby, which unfortunately didn’t really work like we wanted. It took quite a long time and I always had negative tests. Every month after month was, kind of, It didn’t happen again. But, yeah, I, we still wanted to have kids. We wanted to have something shared, a shared experience for the two of us.

So we started quite soon after our wedding and we try it. In total we tried for almost five years. It was a really tough time, because every month you get your period, you feel like it didn’t happen again. At the beginning, of course, you’re not that worried because you know, it doesn’t happen for everyone at the first try. So, you feel like that is still normal, but after a year you get worried, you start thinking why is it not happening for us? What is wrong? And that was also the time we decided to go to a GP. And there then did some tests with us, but just the basic tests, like sperm test for my husband, and for me an ultrasound and blood test. Which came back fine.

His sperm test didn’t show anything major, and my results showed I had hypothyroidism, so I had to take some tablets. At that point, I thought, well, maybe this is the explanation. Then you take the tablets, and you still start trying. At that point, you have hope, and you don’t get that quickly discouraged again because you think, oh, you need the tablets to give time, but it didn’t happen for a long time, after taking the tablet again. And you stop and losing hope, you thinking maybe it’s not happening for us. And after two years, I started looking for answers to what, what could I still do besides taking tablets and trying every month at the hopefully right time. And that was when I stumbled over your Facebook group.

And there I got some, some useful information helping me to, to see that there is so much more, which you never knew because no one is telling you that fertility is such a big picture. It’s not only you trying at the right time and waiting. It’s so much more, and there’s also a picture of your health. So yeah, that was in my journey to find the group.

So every month when I got my period, my period was always quite heavy, and I had quite a bit of pain, and I have always read that this is as it should not be. There are lots of people saying, oh, that’s normal, but I have heard from other people, actually no that it’s not as it should be. You should not have heavy periods. You should have not the pain and the symptoms of being very moody before you get your period. And there were things where I started to think there might be something which I don’t, haven’t found yet because I have a heavy period. Although I’m fairly regular, which was quite reassuring, but there was this something which made me feel like there’s something missing because I have this heavy period and if everything else, as the GP says, is fine. Why doesn’t it work? So it should normally work. So there must be something which we haven’t found. And it was quite frustrating and made me, to a certain extent, also a little bit depressed because you get every month your period, you know? It didn’t happen again, and I still don’t have an answer. And I felt, before I found the group, really left alone. There was no one helping me, telling me, have you thought about this? Have you looked in this? It was bit like I have to battle this by myself. No one is standing at my side and guiding me or telling me, have you thought about this or is this, have you looked into this? So there was no explanation, and it was like you’re in a dark and trying to find, find the light and no one really there to help you.

So I found the group at that point, you did a challenge, and I took part in the challenge. And during that time, I think it was a challenge about food. Fertility friendly food. And there I learned that, for an example, food and your digestion plays a big part in your fertility. And it was so nice to see there, actually, so many other women having the same issue, coming together, sharing their experience, trying to console each other, or telling them, well, I have heard this, have you looked into this? And also to learn that you can do already a lot with smaller things, like food. Having fermented food, which I never knew had such a big impact on your hormones. And learning all these things made me feel like there is far more, there’s such a resource out there. And then I followed your group and you came, always facilitated extra parts. And also your website with the blogs were really helpful to go there and read about different information. Then I learned about taking your basal body temperature, which I had no idea about. That it fluctuates over your cycle in a really specific pattern. That was something which opened a complete new thing for me.

Also I kind of knew when I would ovulate, but I didn’t really understood that there’s so many different signs to really see it. Like your temperature, following the pattern, looking for the cervical mucus. That was all stuff I didn’t know and I just learned on this in the group of the Facebook, where I thought there’s so much I didn’t know, and which can help me to try to improve furthermore, my fertility. And it was at that point, a little bit, my hope came back, like light was switched on and you felt like there’s something I can focus on. I’m not just blindly trying to find anything and waiting every month for yes or no, it was okay, It’s a no, but I’m still having so much more to improve or to change. So, this is how I found the group and gave me new hope and new focus to work on myself and my fertility.

So, yeah. Then I decided to join your incredible membership. And the first thing, what I found really impressive and made me feel like, wow, there’s so much knowledge is when I did the fertility assessment. There were so many questions about asking about how my cycle is, and going really deep. And then for the first time seeing there’s so many symptoms I didn’t really realise that that can have a meaning. And the assessment showed to me that there’s something you can go really deep. And then the membership has so many different aspects covering all the different columns of your fertility, like your mindset, your food, relaxation, different tools for improving your cycles. And so there was a huge resource. So much information. And presented in a really lovely way with short videos so that you don’t feel like, oh my God, now I have to listen to an hour to get the information and also split into parts so that you can say today I do this. And then the next day I follow up.

And not to forget the bi-weekly meetings, which is such a huge, yeah, it’s a new aspect learning for yourself, which is something which is quite close to me. I’m quite good in doing stuff by myself and reading by myself, but having them, this connection to other women who go through the same journey, who experienced similar things, you experience something, which is invaluable. Because you don’t feel alone anymore. You feel like there are people understand you when you have to have your day where you say, oh God, I can’t keep, keep doing this. I can’t keep going on like this. When they say, yes, I have the same days, it will get better. And also it makes you feel like when you can give someone help you feel like there’s a purpose. I can. The journey I’m doing, I can help others. It’s not that it’s, I’m only having to suffer, it’s, I can, can help others as well. Which is for me was a really incredible feeling, to have the feeling I can give something as well. It gave, gave me a new strengths, and showed me actually that this journey, as hard as it is, and as heartbreaking as has also it’s really beautiful moments. And make you realise stuff which you normally, I think not would have realised. It has made me far more grateful for things. It has shown me that I have a strength I didn’t know I have. And this was all because of sharing this with other women in such an intimate setting.

And also in the bi-weekly meetings, you show us tools, which are incredible, which are not only helpful for your fertility. All these tools that I have now can help me in other situations; stress at work, stress in a relationship, there are tools which I have now for the rest of my life, and help me to improve in situations which have nothing to do with fertility.

I think the most impressive change for me was I lost weight. I didn’t even really felt that I needed to, but I did, without really having to try a lot. And another physical change was I felt like I had more energy again, to do exercise, which I let a little bit at the side. So it gave me the opportunity to use my body again, a bit more and find that exercise actually is something I’m enjoying. It made me also far more calm. I didn’t have that much moodiness before my period anymore, that kind of went away. And the period itself got a little bit less heavy and less painful. And I also found tools to deal with the pain.

So the change emotionally was, I started to, when I got my period there was this moment, yeah, It didn’t happen again. But it gave me also the feeling. Okay, you allow yourself this day of grieving that it didn’t happen, be sad, but also then pick yourself up the next day and say, Now is a new time. There’s so much more I can do to change and make the next cycle, hopefully, the cycle.

So I got far more resilience with, dealing with these, disappointing news of not being pregnant and that it takes so long. It also gave me much more calmness. I was able to enjoy things again. Before it was a bit like everything was about getting pregnant and just reaching that goal.

And at that point, it was to realise there’s far more besides getting pregnant. You still have your life. You can’t put your life on hold. You have to keep going. So it was again, trying to find the joyful moments in your life. And also feeling that you can have something to give other people, which you didn’t realise you, you could share with other people.

You can, you. I found also my strength. So that I’m a person who can listen to people and understand how they feel, and then say to them I understand you. I, I know what you feel. And just, not necessarily able to give solutions, but just give them the feeling there is someone who listens to me, doesn’t judge me, and takes me as I am.

And this was the same I got from the group and other members. I could easily come when I had day and just moan and saying, oh, everything is bad, and everything is black. And everyone said. No one would come back and say, well, what are you talking about? They would all say, we understand you, take a breather, go out in nature. So there was this understanding from other women, the support and incredible support. And this made me feel like, yes, I can deal with this situation. I don’t have to give up. There’s of course, days where you have this, but they didn’t last that long. You found them quite easier a way to pick yourself up again and to say, okay, take a deep breath, and move on.

The one-to-one support is really amazing because it is, you tell completely about yourself because every fertility story is very specific. Not one story is like the others. So it was a time where we focused completely on what was the issue, which is the most urgent issue to solve.

With Dee she looked really carefully at the results ahead so far and made some suggestions based on this, regarding my diet, especially considering I’m a vegetarian. So there are some aspects you have to consider. So she gave me some tips around protein. But she also said that there is still not the whole picture yet, because the test I had were quite basic tests like blood tests, so she said to make a blood test from home with a company, checking on vitamins, checking again on thyroid, but the full picture, not only the one the GP is checking, checking Iron, and all the important, the important parts of fertility.

And from this, we got back that the Thyroid there is more we can do to support. More than beside taking the tablets. So she gave me some specific supplements to support around that part of the fertility. But she still had the feeling it’s not the whole picture yet. So she decided, if I’m willing to do bigger hormone tests, the Dutch test. So we decided to go for this, which is a test for over a month. You follow what is happening really closely with your hormones. and I also felt that this is important because I had the picture of all my other hormones, like oestrogen. The important ones. But the one the GP never looked at was progesterone. So I felt like, yes, I want to know, do I have progesterone? Is there enough? Could this be the missing link? So we did the Dutch test and what was amazing with Dee, the results come back, and she talks really closely through the whole test with you in deep detail, because you can see the test and think, oh, everything is in range. She said, yeah, everything is in range, but every pattern in the range is important because we want the optimal results. We don’t want to be in range. And she talks really into deep detail about it. And we still found that there are some stuff like, I had oxidative stress. I also had a little bit imbalance in my gut bacteria. So there were some stuff which gave me then the feeling, again, there are still things which are not optimal, which could be the reason keeping me from getting pregnant.

And she is then someone who says, we should try this. We can take it with this supplements, but she’s also not saying only take supplements, she gives you ideas about what you can still improve in your, in your diet. Maybe take out gluten and dairy. What I did. I never had really a big reaction to dairy or gluten, but she said, you might not feel it because you might be so used to the side effects that you don’t feel it. So we decided to take things out there. And also she gives you little things you never think about, and that was amazing. And she’s also someone you can email and say, well, I’m unsure about this, what do I have to do there? And she always comes back and answers your question. Whenever you, just drop me an email, I will come back and she does.

And also the amazing thing is she’s not only looking at me, she also looked at my husband, which was kind of left out of the picture a bit. We knew certain things he shouldn’t do because you also told things. You always covered this aspect as well. You say, what is his health looking like? What is he doing to help to improve the situation? But he was not looked at into his blood test, because they didn’t do blood tests for him, they did a sperm test and that’s it. So we had then the chance to look a little bit deeper into him and he got some supplements which helped improve his health. The GP comes back and says everything is in range, but they don’t look deeper. Could there be still something not right? And with Dee you get a fuller picture of your physical, your medical results. And that is something I’m really grateful for.

It felt like I finally were able to piece together the puzzle, the pieces of a puzzle, to see the fuller picture and give me so much tools to improve my situation to the better. And it was something which made me feel so supported, finally having answers, finally being heard, finally being taken serious. Not only saying, this is a situation, you have to deal with it. But someone giving me, also empowering me, to be able to look what can I do to improve the situation. To give me the tools to find the answer maybe myself, and if not to have a huge resource and other people in the membership to get the answer, if I can’t get it myself. So it was empowering, reassuring, and just made me feel like there’s so much, there’s a richness and it has changed my life completely.

Yes, the moment I was pregnant, I never had, in my whole life positive pregnancy test, never. And that morning when I did the pregnancy test and I, for a moment, I couldn’t believe what I saw, and the same was for my husband. We both, ‘really?’ And then it was just this overwhelming gratitude and happiness. It’s something which you can’t really describe when you finally get to the point you’re working for. It’s, It’s incredible. It’s just incredible.

My husband actually had lost his hope shortly before we got the positive pregnancy test. He had the time where he kind of started grieving, feeling like No, it’s not going to happen for us. We will not ever get a baby. He even started looking into adoption. So he literally went through the whole grieving process, and he did it quite openly. I saw it. I understood him. And I said, okay, you are grieving, and I can’t change your feelings. That’s what you’re feeling, but I’m not ready yet.

So, and since we got the positive pregnancy test, he is kind of, for a while, he couldn’t really believe it, but now since the tummy is growing, he is so overly excited. He is incredible. He is constantly coming and touching my tummy and saying there she is my little girl and he’s looking out for me. He’s looking out for her. He’s making sure that I do everything I can to keep her healthy, and make everything go well. He is very constantly about things. He finally feels like this is what we were working for.

There is a baby, our baby, she is going inside of me, and he is just so happy, so grateful to Dee and you for bringing us to this point, being finally in the situation to go through this experience. So, yeah, he’s just incredibly happy and can’t wait for the day when she is here.

The scans are amazing because as a woman, you realise you are pregnant and you have certain symptoms, but it’s still a little bit, not really real. At least it wasn’t for me really real. But when you then go to your first scan and they give you a warning at the beginning saying, oh, don’t worry If you don’t right away see a heartbeat or anything, it can take a while. And she looked and said, oh, there’s’ the heartbeat. And at that point, you were just, everything’s fine. Everything’s fine. The baby is alive, and she was the right size. And you see that it’s really emotional to finally see, there is a living being inside of you. It’s incredible.

So the first scan was at 12 – 13 weeks, where they just look if there’s a heartbeat, is the baby the right size, calculating the due date. And then, I already had my 20-week scan, but in that time being, you still can’t really believe there’s something inside of you, because besides in the second trimester, I had less symptoms. So things get a little bit more unrealistic. It feels a bit like. And I was really scared for, for my say a 20-week scan because I was, hopefully she is still alive. Hopefully everything is fine. And then as soon as you see the heartbeat, everything else at that point, completely vanished. This is the only thing you can focus on. There’s a heartbeat, everything is fine, she’s alive.

And then getting, when they look so closely in, at the whole body structure, the intestines, the stomach, the kidneys, the brain, arms, legs. You just feel like, oh wow. Wow, that’s inside of me. That is, it’s our baby, it’s. It was an incredible moment. And my husband was there for both scans as well, and I could feel that he was emotional because he constantly had to stroke me and, and touch me and I think he was just so relieved as well to see everything is fine, the baby is growing as it should be, and looks fine for the stage she is in.

So, yeah. And when you then ask for the gender and they tell you, it makes it more like, Wow, it’s not only a baby, now it’s, in my case, a her, there is a little girl inside of me. That is incredible.

I would say, if you have the feeling you don’t have the whole picture, you feel completely left alone, no one by your side. This is the best thing you can do, because you can get the whole picture. There’s so much you don’t know. But because there are so many people in this group who have different experience, and it comes together to give you the whole picture. And you learn tools, which are so invaluable, not only for your pregnant, uh, your fertility journey, but for your whole life. And you will learn to see your own strengths.

This membership gives you, empowers you, as a woman to take your journey in your own hands, but being supported every step of the way and not being alone anymore. Having someone there taking you seriously, listening to you, helping you to find the answers and also be able to build friendship, companionship, and finding your own strengths and becoming a better person.

I only can say, take the chance if you get it. You will not regret it, because you get so much back, which you didn’t know. And I know now I have learned so much I can give my daughter. I can share this. And I can only say, take the chance if you get it! Don’t let it waste.