Sending you love and sharing some of the warmth, wisdom and virtual hugs that have been going down in the Facebook group this week. We’ve been honouring Baby Loss Awareness Week with extra support and encouragement.
If you haven’t already joined the community, then HERE is how to join. It’s a closed group, which means only other members in the group will be able to see that you’ve joined and see your posts and comments.
In case you’re struggling with similar things, here are some of this week’s gems from the group, to lift you up and encourage you too.
Do You Find It Hard To Stay Strong?
When you’re feeling hopeless and like you want to give up, think of 3 positive things that bring your baby closer (so that being a mum doesn’t feel like a million miles away). What has changed or shifted physically? Do you have a new piece of information about your fertility puzzle? Can you find the gift in the situation?
Do You Feel Guilty?
It’s so normal to feel like you could have done something different, to blame yourself or feel regret. Ask yourself: ‘Does it serve me to have those thoughts?’. Ask the logical and wise part of you to step in when a thought of blame comes into your head. And find another thought to replace it with, like ‘I did the best I could with the resources that I had.’.
The pain and regret of wondering if things could have been different is a heavy burden to bear.
How could you unburden yourself from that guilt? How could you find a way to forgive yourself and others?
You did the best that you could with the resources that you had at the time, and so did everyone else. Say that out loud and in front of the mirror over and over again until it sinks in. Breathe deeply and look yourself in the eye. In a safe space, tell yourself this repeatedly until you cry, fall apart or get angry. Let it all out and then find peace with what happened.
If you can forgive yourself and others, then you’ll find peace and lightness that will open up new possibilities.
Do You Feel Too Old?
It’s true that your egg numbers decline with age. But know that you have the power to improve your egg quality and fertility. There is hope. Your body is amazing and so are you.
If You’ve Had A Miscarriage
After the shock of having a miscarriage, it’s natural to wonder if there was anything that you could have done differently. Please don’t second guess yourself, it was not your fault. Breathe in and let that go. It was not your fault. It was something that happened.
Honour your feelings and the loss for your little one.
Keep trusting in yourself and your path.
If You’re Grieving
You have so much strength and courage to keep trying for your baby. Experiencing a miscarriage naturally creates heartache.
The grief for your baby you never got the chance to know doesn’t alter the level of grief and loss. So, keep checking in with yourself and ask ‘What do I need right now?’ and monitor how this changes from moment to moment. Listen to your thoughts and your body and attend to your needs.
Grief can come in many disguises – sometimes it’s anger, maybe sadness and just numbness. It’s so much easier to say ‘I’m fine’ when someone asks. This can be useful to protect yourself. But at other moments, when you don’t have to hide, make space for all parts of you, respect your feelings and truly express them with gentle curiosity and kindness.
If You Feel Like You Don’t Deserve A Baby
To feel like you’re broken or that you don’t deserve to be a mother in some way are difficult, complex thoughts and emotions to be with.
When it comes to deserving or feeling worthy of being a mother, then ask yourself: when a tree drops its seeds, does one seed deserve to become a tree over another? No. All seeds are the same. Each seed deserves to grow as much as the next.
It’s not a case or deserving or worthiness. We are all worthy and we all deserve to get our heart’s desires.
Find ways of making yourself feel worthy or deserving. Treat yourself like a goddess. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend, in a kind and encouraging voice.
Find a way to change your story and see that the universe does have your back. Look for the ways that you are supported. Find the gift in each situation. It might not come immediately, but there’s always something – a lesson, some growth, resilience, joy, support, wisdom.
Be super gentle on yourself, you’re doing some amazing growth work right now. Keep going. You’re on the right path.
What Makes Our Community Different?
If you’re feeling that the thoughts in this thread resonate with you then our community does too. It is:
- Offers emotional support.
- Shares practical tools and tips to improve your fertility and get pregnant.
- HERE is how to join.
See you over there!Warmest wishes,Join the free Fertility Heroes Facebook group. In our private Facebook group you'll get fertility tips, research and inspiration. Only the women in the group will know you've joined and see your posts. 2. Hang out in Clubhouse in the Fertility Club and the Fertile Mindset Club for fertility strategies, support and community. 3. Apply for a free Fertility Analysis Session to work out what is missing from your fertility puzzle and what to do about it. 4. Join the Plan Yourself Pregnant Membership. Get customised support to work out why you're not pregnant and get your personal plan to optimise your fertility, balance your hormones, improve your womb lining and increase your egg quality.