The Secrets To Feeling Like Yourself Again When You’re Trying For A Baby
When you are trying for a baby, it can feel like your life gets put on hold. As you work harder to get pregnant, your life changes, and one day you wake up and realise that you don’t feel like yourself anymore.
Of course, it doesn’t happen in the same way for everyone. You might start arguing with your partner, you might feel disconnected from your friends or you might feel miserable and depressed each month when you get your period.
You might miss your old life and wonder where the fun has gone.
It’s useful to look at the past, present and future to find yourself, figure out how to get pregnant, and stay sane whilst you are trying.
The Past – Forgive
Sometimes it is the past that makes us feel miserable when trying for a baby. It is easy to look back and think ‘if only I’d started trying for a baby when I was younger’, or ‘I wish I hadn’t worked so hard and given so much to my job’, or ‘I should have been healthier and not partied so hard’, or ‘maybe it was the abortion I had years ago that is stopping me from getting pregnant now’.
Regret, guilt and shame about the past are normal, but dwelling on these emotions and thoughts can be damaging, draining and keep us stuck in the past.
It is totally normal to question our decisions from the past and feel regret, guilt and shame. Instead of letting these thoughts corrode away at you in those shadow moments, take a proactive stance. Schedule an hour to consciously meet with these emotions and then actively forgive yourself.
Here is what to do
Sit quietly, focus on your breath for a few minutes and then allow yourself to go into those feelings of regret, guilt or shame. Too often we try to run away from painful feelings and it just keeps them bubbling away just under the surface. If we allow ourselves to fully feel an emotion, then we can work through it and release it. Keep breathing, notice how your body feels with these intense emotions. Keep focusing on your breath to stay grounded and notice how your emotions change. When you have worked through them, move on to the next stage.
Change your vibration. Dance, shake or stretch. Write your younger self a kind and compassionate letter. Forgive yourself and tell yourself that you made the best decision you could at the time. Know that dwelling on the past isn’t serving you and make a commitment to yourself to be kind to yourself.
Next, treat yourself to something that makes you feel really good. A shower, a bath, a massage, whatever makes you feel cleansed and rejuvenated. If negative thoughts about the past come up again, then gently talk to yourself like you would your best friend, with kindness and compassion.
The Present – Be Present
What we do now affects how we are in the future. Unmanaged stress leads to increased cortisol and adrenaline that could lead to hormonal imbalances and not ovulating next month. The food we eat now affects the quality of our egg in three months’ time. Arguments with our partners now could lead to splitting up in the future.
One of the best things you can do to improve your chances of getting pregnant, reduce stress levels, get more nutrients from your food and to get on better with your partner is simply to be present.
What I mean by that is to fully be in your body, noticing your thoughts, emotions and physical feelings as they happen. We often find ourselves worrying about the past or planning the future and forget to actually be here right now.
If we are not present, then it is easy for stress to build up without noticing. Stress makes us not feel ourselves and it stops us from getting pregnant. If you can actively and regularly relax, then this will improve your chances of getting pregnant and make you feel a lot happier whilst you are trying.
Here is what to do
The best way to stay present is to breathe. Breathing is something we do all the time without noticing. If you are stressed, notice where your breath is. It is probably high in your chest and it is likely that you are taking shallow breaths. Put your hands under your belly button and breathe into this area. Notice how you instantly feel calm and your shoulders relax.
Make it a regular practice throughout your day to do a body scan from your head down to your toes and feel where the tension is in your body. Breathe into the areas of tension, relax and melt your muscles.
When you wake up in the morning before you get out of bed, think of 3 things that you are grateful for. You can’t feel angry, frustrated, sad or depressed when you are feeling gratitude.
The Future – Make A Plan
If you have been trying to get pregnant for a while, then chances are you have made lots of changes in your life. You might wake up in the morning and measure your temperature. You might have stopped drinking alcohol. You may have stopped socialising because you don’t want to be around friends with babies or friends who are drinking. You may have stopped making love and found yourself on a sex schedule. You might be stressed, obsessed and depressed about having a baby.
If it feels like you’ve been trying too hard to get pregnant and that you have lost the fun in life, then implement some of the tips below. These tips will help you feel like you again and still move you in the right direction towards getting pregnant.
Use the 80/20 rule for making healthy choices 80% of the time. And allow yourself to indulge in unhealthy choices 20% of the time. There are always going to be social events when you can’t control what you are eating or days when you just want to curl up in front of the TV and not do any exercise, or weeks when you have to work late to meet a deadline. It is a good thing to give yourself permission to make an unhealthy choice. It will help you to feel flexible and relaxed.
We all know it is good to set up a date night and spend quality time together doing fun things. Right now, think of something he would love to do, send him a text and make a date.
If you have found yourself just having sex around ovulation, then start having sex for fun. Try not to tell your partner when you are ovulating. And don’t talk about your cervical fluid because the science of sex can take the excitement and enjoyment away.
Choose friends that make you feel good and support you. Right now, think of a good friend who you love spending time with and send her a text or better still give her a call.
It’s much easier to make a baby when you are feeling happy and joyful. Seek out ways to make yourself laugh and have fun.